Supporting a NICU Parent

It is always hard when someone you love is supporting a person in the hospital. It is dramatically harder when that someone is a parent of a sick baby. Whether the baby is premature or is full term with a serious medical condition, the parents need support from you. There are various means by which you can offer help to your friend or relative throughout this difficult time.

This can be hard if you are a close relative. Grandparents, especially, are dealing with their own pain and worry over the situation. This is completely normal. You are not only concerned for the affected child, but his parents and what they are feeling as well. You are entitled to feel these feelings, but also try to be positive when you are around the baby's parents. They have more weight on their shoulders than even a grandparent can imagine. Consider their situation. There is nothing normal about leaving the hospital alone and knowing that your precious infant is fighting for his life. They are dealing with doctors, nurses, medical jargon, specialists, surgeries, physical and emotional fatigue, financial concerns and constant frustration.

There are many ways that you can lend a hand during this hardship. Ask them regularly if they need anything. Often times, one (if not both) parent wants to be at the hospital as much as possible. If the parents have other children, help them to make arrangements for care. Some additional suggestions are:

• Offer to do research. With the internet, you can find volumes of information with a simple search. When a parent is at the NICU most of their time, they are inundated with terminology that can be overwhelming. While doctors and nurses are there to answer questions, they are also responsible for many patients which limits their time per family. Print information for parents to look over when they have time.
• Take up a collection. NICU stays are extremely expensive. Collect money for bills and hotel stays as well as gift cards for gas, food, and other day to day expenses. A gift basket of snacks, personal care products, disposable cameras, and other comfort items are always appreciated.
• If they are staying overnight away from home, help around their house. Take care of pets, plants, and laundry. Bringing them fresh laundry is a big help, too.
• Take them out to eat, or bring them food. There is only so much hospital food that one person can handle. This simple gesture goes a long way.

Let them vent. This is a painful and confusing time. Offer them your ear with no judgment. Having a sounding board is important during any of life's struggles, but during this time in particular, they need to know they are not alone. Nobody plans for their child to be sick or in such extreme need and parents often feel completely helpless. Sometimes, they just need a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.

Most new moms and dads want to show off their baby. NICU parents are not an exception. Ask if you may come for a visit. Not only will they like you to see their son, but they are probably hungry for some company.

Be prepared. If you've never seen a baby in a NICU before, it can be a little overwhelming. Depending on a baby's needs, he may be in a special bed, attached to a monitor, using a breathing apparatus (CPAP), have surgical bandages, or have temporary feeding tubes. Extremely premature babies have not had a chance to gain that cute baby weight, yet.

Speaking from personal experience, it is important for a parent to hear that you love them, you love their child, and you think their child is beautiful. My son was born with many birth defects. Because many people knew we were under such stress, they thought that it would be inappropriate to tell us congratulations. While our child was sick, he was perfect in our eyes, and not having that simple support was very painful for both my husband and me. Encourage others to share sweet sentiments with both parents.